how can you mend a broken heart?

please help me mend my broken heart

and let me live again… da-da-da-daa-da-da-da-dada-daaaa

this is the song the BeeGee’s were singing as i turned on my computer and my XM satellite radio from AOL kicked into gear. my mom’s very favorite group. she’d sing the BeeGee’s from morning ’til night. she’d do the hootchie-coo, wiggling her ample hips to the rhythm of their songs.

mom had been the subject of many converstaions today for some reason and i decided to write about that in my blog.  when i heard the BeeGee’s voices pour out of my computer speakers as the Internet connected, i knew she was here checking in on us. thanks for the clues mom. the song was just another clue of her presence.

i had my first thought of her when my daughter told me her dream from two nights ago. mom was in it, as was my sister. it was one of those wacky dreams of which my single 32 year-old daughter dreamt that her 48 year-old single aunt was going to have a baby and daughter had to leave her wedding to get her to the hospital. i was running around the corner to help her out and they were deciding who would ride with who. daughter would take nanny in the car while i road with the pregnant single middle-aged woman. mom would have thought this was hysterical.

the second thought was as Bossman and i were driving home on Mack Hatcher this afternoon. i spied an old wooden chair that had fallen off someones trailer or truck that was now laying on the side of the road. toppled over on its side, its back to us with four perfect legs pointing in our direction. it was all alone, thrown into the middle of the shoulder. “if mom were in this car right now, that chair would be tied to the roof,” i told Bossman. he agreed and we remembered the many chairs mom had rescued from curbs, yard sales, auctions and people’s living rooms. those chairs are all piled into precarious stacks in the attic of her little house.

the next thought appeared in front of me when gretchen brought down an old picture of mom in a new frame. this precious picture has been without a frame for a long time, it’s only backbone being propped up against a framed picture of gretchen and mom. now, nanny/mom had a frame that fit her perfectly. encased in the white frame with pink hearts     and flowers scattered about haphazardly, nanny was dressed as we all remember her. a hodge-podge of clothing that i always thought of as just being funky. today, as i looked closely at that photograph, i realized she had on pieces of clothing that meant something to her, with the exception of her baggy pants, which i’m sure she bought in Michigan once while visiting us when we lived there for many years.

her t-shirt was from her rehab at St. Mary’s Hospital in Troy, New York after a heart attack in september of 2005. over her t-shirt is an well-loved collarless, faded denim button-down shirt that is buttoned willy-nilly around her bosom, as she liked to say.  i’m guessing that shirt was bought in the early 80’s to match dad’s denim. on top of her pretty head and yellow-blond turning to white hair is an aqua ball cap. “What does that say?” i asked gretchen. “Mom, i can’t believe you even have to ask. it says, Cape Cod.” of course it said Cape Cod. it was the place she always loved from the first time we went as a family in 1962 until the day she died.  she went almost every year with my dad and when dad died my sister took her. they stayed in the same place year after year and got to know the owners quite well. i went once with my sis and mom for a mother’s day weekend. a trip i was lucky enough to be allowed to share with them as they were greedy with their get-aways to the Cape.

yup, mom has been on our minds. my mind. i guess she and most of the BeeGee’s did some magic today – and it helped to mend my broken heart.

love and miss you, mom.

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