Habit My Way

I like to think that I am a creature of few habits.

I don’t get up at the same time every day.

…don’t eat the same breakfast every day.

…don’t eat at the same time every day.

I don’t even drink my morning coffee every day. Out of 365 days of the year, I’ll bet I only drink my morning coffee 362 of those days.

When I drink my morning coffee, it’s usually a large cup from my Keurig–if it’s working. If it’s not working I’ll make my coffee in my Cuisinart drip 12 cup. But, I only make eight cups.

I drink a full cup of coffee, and I drink it black, to the top.

Kind’a like a habit, I guess.

There are some days when I get into the shower before I make coffee. On those days, if Bossman isn’t already on the golf course, he’ll make me a cup and put it on my vanity in the bathroom as I shampoo my golden locks. I’ll give him a sweet wave above the shower door and he waves back. It’s touching, right? Right.

Sounds a little like a habit. Hmmm…

That happened on Tuesday of this week. While I was showering he brought me coffee and we waved. As I toweled off, I glanced at my coffee. Something was wrong. That damn Keurig must have scaled up again because there’s only a quarter of a cup of coffee in my Goofy mug. I held the towel in one hand, picked up the cup, took it into the bedroom and roused Bossman from his slumber.

“Hon? Hon! Is the Keurig broken again? Where’s the rest of my coffee? Is this all of it?”

I was a little panicked and one might say I was close to whimpering.

He opened an eye. “I only made you a small cup.” The eye closed.

He what? Did he say “small cup”?

“What? Why did you do that? I usually leave this much coffee in my cup when I’m finished drinking it. I can’t start drinking it at the leave level. It’s not right. You…you…you’ve messed up my brain. You did this on purpose?”

“It’s all you drink anyway.”


I looked into the cup. My engineer of a husband was most likely right. Again. It probably was all I drank. But…

Who The Hell Cares?!?!? What a jerk!!!! I hate it when he’s right!!

He was back to comatose from his Ambien second wind. I made a face at him.

Returning to the bathroom I placed the cup on the sink and stared at it while I dried, dressed and put my face on. I lifted the cup to my lips, took a sip and placed it back on the counter.

“I’m done. This is my done level. I can’t drink anymore when it’s at the done level.”

My brain was expecting a full cup. My brain was now fried—over easy.

I left to babysit my grandson and six dogs with no coffee in my brain.

Then I got a text with a picture of my “leave level” coffee from Bossman.

What the hell….

coffee cup
This cup of “leave level” coffee is a reenactment.


Wipe That Smile Off Your Butt

A few weeks ago, okay, in truth it was about eight months ago and this package has been lost on my desk for about six of those months. This story is about a box I received in the mail. I knew its story needed to be told and so I am finally telling it. This is the box:Just The Box


“Wow,” I thought. “Top Secret Information for little, old me!” I looked at the return address. “Hmmm… ‘Scott. Kimberly Clark’. I knew where that company was in my local Kroger. Paper Products. “What in the world is in this box?” I opened it.Scott Covert Operation 08_14


“Are you kidding me?”

The attached paper said that the ‘top secret’ plan regarding this Scott, Naturals toilet tissue is “Confidential” and I’d “been selected for a COVERT OPERATION”.

“Wow!” (again) I thought. “How does a girl get so lucky to receive a top secret roll of toilet paper?”

Operation Secret Swap had a Profile, Mission and an Objective. I shut the blinds and locked the door before I read any further.

Profile: You’ve been recruited because of your commitment to quality.’

Nothing but squeezable two-ply for my family. They’ve got me pegged. It’s all about quality, baby.

Mission: SWAP OUT the roll you’re using now with the enclosed roll of Scott Naturals WITHOUT TELLING YOUR FAMILY.’

Just what kind of a mother and wife do they think I am? In the name of all things holy with mothering and wifeing. “Swap Out?” I didn’t think I was up for the task. Ask me to do anything else! Anything, but not swapping out our toilet paper!!! Where is the humanity??? Is nothing sacred anymore?

Objective: With Scott Naturals, you don’t have to sacrifice quality to take a green step. It’s so good. THEY’LL NEVER NOTICE. But the environment will.’

Guilt. They’ve laid the environmental guilt trap and I’ve stepped right into it. Damn them.


There was another important insert with this little bundle that I had tossed away before the papers piled up. I wish I’d kept it now. It had instructions on how to throw a special Swap Out Party and invite all my friends.

“So, did you notice anything different when you wiped your butt?”

“I say, have The Dunham’s swapped out their old toilet paper for something more natural? I think I may have a splinter in my bum.”


It was too good a gimmick to just flush down the drain and I’m glad I finally found the ‘Top Secret’ box under the load of papers on my desk. Even though my day has been long and I was pooped out, I finally got this posted on the turd third try.

Live as Green as possible without getting butt splinters.


Joyful in His Glory ~ Susie