Gratitude and Crap

[This post has been edited on 04/10/19]

This is a season of gratitude and crap.

Gratitude because our hockey team, the Nashville Predators just won the Division Championship.

Crap because our hockey team, blah-blah-blah, just won the Division Championship and now we’re in the playoffs.

Gratitude because we’re in the playoffs.

Crap because we’re in the playoffs which reminds me of our son going to playoff games with us in 2017 and celebrating his favorite player, Victor Arviddson. Chris had also started acting odd. Odd like getting lost, leaving games early, not showing up on time to go to games and other abnormal behaviors like losing jobs.

The playoff year of 2018 was worse. In January Chris was diagnosed with a very rare brain disease:  adult onset leukodystophy with axonal spheroids and pigmented glia.

Gratitude for 911, EMS, ER’s, PhD’s, MD’s, RN’s, LPN’s, PT’s, Family, Friends, Neighbors, Strangers and God’s presence entwined in our Hell.

Crap because they were all needed.

Gratitude for the diversion in the spring of 2018 when the Predators got into the playoffs again. Chris stayed home with Gretchen and the home caregiver that would come while we were at the games. He needed help eating and walking, but he sat and watched the Predators with his sister and his caregiver – falling asleep many times in the recliner.

I’m coming to the conclusion that everything in our personal lives, focuses on our children. No matter how old they get, they’re still our children. I’d gotten to the age where I would joke that our kids, Chris and Gretchen, were now older than me. Terry has always been an old soul. Me, not so much, although I feel like my soul has aged decades in less than a year.

Gratitude for our daughter who was such a hero to him and to us. She is very devoted to her brother and they loved each other dearly. My heart will never heal from their sorrows.

Crap because I’m writing about loss again. It’s almost a year since our son Chris died. Time flies, and then again, it stands still.

Gratitude.  I got words down.

Crap. I  got words down.

Go Preds~



A neighbor gifted me a book on grief. It’s been a Godsend.






i’m baaack.

in case anyone missed me for the three weeks i was AWOL, i’m back. it’s hard to believe that my last blog was on dear daughter’s birthday and even harder to believe that Bossman celebrated a birthday on the 4th of march. i haven’t even changed my wall calendar yet, so i’m still looking at everything that was going on in february – hockey, writing groups, visitors and vacation plans. well, the company was great, the birthday for daughter was great, hockey was great most of the time and vacation, which started on the 24th of february was super. hoping to get my next blog done with some vacation highlights and maybe a picture or two if the Electronic God is on my side.  so, it’s good to be back. bossman is getting ready to head to the Tunica casinos with his brother who’ll be in visiting from Houston. he packed his suitcase with a little too much enthusiasm, me thinks. with all his coupons (along with mine), he’s got a free room for two nights, 10 buffets and a hundred bucks in free gambling money. i believe brother will be me for the next few days. a boy named sue. ha. i would have blogged from my vacations spots, but wireless internet wasn’t available and the resort computer doesn’t allow blogging. i’m sure you can get porn, but no blogging. heavens to betsy! it was frustrating for me not being able to blog while i was away. i kept a journal on my laptop, but got out of control and everything turned into a short novel. editing is indeed in my future. more later, friends. thanks for checking in on me.

happy birthday

my daughter had a birthday yesterday. now that she’s ‘older’, she never wants anything special done for her on her birthday. ‘it’s just another day’ is her mantra, knowing full well that she’s lying through her perfectly straight white teeth.

when she was little, her birthday was bigger than christmas. how she loved her birthday. she’d hand out wish-lists months in advance and mark the calendar days down starting in july.

it was so close to valentines day, most of the time her birthday parties had a heart theme. then there were the barbie birthdays, the bowling themed birthday, and who knows what else tickled her fancy so long ago.

i remember gifts she received from us that have never been forgotten by her. one year i loaded her up with Slim Jim beef  jerky and Play-Doh. she was in college then. don’t ask me why i gave my kids Play-Doh for all their birthdays. darn it all – i forgot to do that this year.

she complained as an older child that she never received any of those pretty little ceramic/porcelain girlie figurines with the appropriate age stuck to their long flowing dresses. so, guess what she got this year? two of those dolls – along with some other gifts, like concert tickets, new age music and a trip to the hockey game with Happy Birthday to her personally on the JumboTron. a nice thrill for all three of us.

oh, the dolls. which two did i buy? i bought a three year old and a two year old. she told me i was crazy. then she set them up on the dining table and gazed at them.

happy birthday, baby girl. i love you.

where am i?

i live just south of nashville where the winter weather is usually a nice mix of 95% sunshine and 5% lousey, dreary, depressing, cold, gray, damp, rainey, stinky weather. for 5% of winter’s days, you don’t mind that type of weather. you have the right to just sit near a window in a comfy chair all day long, reading light over your shoulder and a good book in your lap. add a cup of tea or coffee, a few shortbread cookies or a piece of banana bread, a cozy afghan, your favorite ratty sweater and you’ve got yourself the perfect “me” day with the nasty weather outside wishing it were curled up with you in that chair.

unfortunately, the weater here has been more like where i used to live. michigan. the percentages are flip-flopped up there with 95% being this  lousey, dank, dreary, crappy, wet, damp, gray, depressing, freezing, overcast-to-the-max weather with maybe…just maybe…5% sunshine. i don’t miss living in michigan. not the weather part, nor the traffic for that matter. i do miss my friends, but they come here to visit. sometimes in the winter, but i’m glad they didn’t come this month because they’d be going from the fire into the frying pan.

 where, oh, where is my tennessee sunshine?

did ya ever…

…see eight year old girls play basketball for the first time? oh, my goodness, it’s just too much fun and should be against the law. our honorary granddaughter, kate, started playing basketball in a church league  and her first game was this morning. the uniforms are reversable with shiney bling-colored gold on one side and navy blue on the reverse. one team has the gold and the other…well, you know what i’m talkin’ about. then, the girls, who are seven and eight get into a mob and bounce the ball down to one end of the court where the bouncer immediately gives it to another teammate who then will lob it with two hands up to the lowered net. she’ll most likely miss the net and then the other team grabs it and the mob runs down to the other end of the court with the bouncer stopping a few times to rest on the way. she might underhand it up towards the net, where multiple little arms and hands will grasp around for the ball, hold it tight and throw it up to the net. too bad it was the wrong team’s net, but, what the hell? who cares? a try is a try and that’s always good, right? what does that picture of the basketball court say that managers hang in their cushy offices? You Miss All The Shots You Don’t Take  is that it? well, those girls took lots of shots at any net they saw, and they bounced that ball full court and it didn’t matter how many times they stopped or how many hands they used, or what their sweet little faces looked like as they contorted and concentrated on their final mission. it was better than tv, which isn’t hard to do these days.

 the next game is a week from today. we’re bringing the camcorder.

enjoy life.

seasonal shuffle

we moved to the nashville area in february of 2002. the day of the move we had pizza on the deck with the movers. it was 70 degrees. we thought this was very weird, but very good. then reality hit and the temps dropped a bit and “winter” weather began in a day or so.  i think it was in the 40’s. nothing like southwest Michigan or upstate New York or even southern Indiana where we’d come from this last shuffle of corporate America.

the last few days here have hit 70 with tornado watches, thunderstorms and high winds. i talked to a friend near Rome, New York where the temperature reached 70, also. instead of building snowmen outside, her kids were running around with spring jackets tied around their necks like superman capes. their january thaw isn’t usually in the 70 degree range; it’s more like 34 degrees.

can y’all say Global Warming?

can we get our seasons back in the right order? can we fix it? Al Gore was laughed at years ago with his proclamation of inventing the Internet, but he was spot-on about the global warming warning. we laughed then, too. who’s laughing now and what in the world are we thinking? we’re supposed to be the smart ones, the intelligent species, the Americans.

but, maybe we’re the aliens in this universe. the alien ones who don’t take care of their planet. we’re the aliens from the other side of the stratasphere who are just now trying to catch up and make nice with our Mother Earth. i’ll venture to guess that all the UFO sightings have been the Universal Police who come and check on us every once in a while. no wonder the government doesn’t want to give out any UFO information. they’re embarrassed because the USA is one of the biggest polluters of our planet. 

i’m convinced that we can undo and are undoing lots of wrongs. heck, if the Clorox people are willing to go green, everyone can go green. baby steps. let the Universal Police come and check on us. i hope they come check the USA in the winter when it’s freezing up north, mild in the midsection and warm in the south.