i’ve been doing pretty okay with the challenge i’ve undertaken. the calorie counting isn’t too bad, even though i hate math. it’s tricky when you don’t read the fine print. ice cream…ah…only 150 calories…for 1/4 cup! what the heck is that about? i decided to stick with my weight watcher giant fudge bars at 110 calories and/or 1 point. they’re perfect in every way with a recyclable stick, even.
exercise has turned into f.u.n. don’t ask me why. it’s a mystery. i walk, on average, every other day for 45 minutes at what is a brisk pace for me. for someone else with long legs it’s a stroll. ask my friend jack. otherwise, i’m booking it the entire time up and down the slopeing streets of my neighborhood and down the street at a nice park with a mile paved trail. i’ve even broken out into a run a couple of times. totally unintentional. it freaks me out when it happens. “what the hell am i doing?” my feet are off the ground at the same time and i’m happy about it. freaky. very freaky.
i’m looking to win this competition and then turn 57 proudly.
oh, and my jeans are getting loose, so i’m told. hmmmm… this calorie counting and exercise just might be the next big thing. go figure.
my two tests yesterday were successful. i did not drown or get made into soup.
the metabolic test was a little freaky in the beginning. you see, i have this thing about having my nose pinched closed and not being able to breath because i forget i can open my mouth and breath. terry will occasionally pinch my nose and laugh as i panic over not being…well, you get the idea. the test involved nose pinchers and a mouthpiece attached to a hose which was attached to a machine. i also used the nose pinchers as a puppet but that’s another story for another day. i had to breath through my mouth for 12 minutes into the tube with my nose pinched closed. reading helped me stay focused on the words and not the fact that i thought i was going to suffocate. breathing got easier as i concentrated on the magazine and relaxed as i read…as i read…what the heck did i read? gosh, i thought i was relaxed. at the end of the 12 minutes dave came in and freed me from the constraints. i was happy. then it was bathing suit time and happy went bye-bye.
i changed into my suit and dave weighed me again. he’d weighed me in my jeans and t-shirt and took a ‘before’ picture when i first arrived. he really wanted a before in the suit but that was not gonna happen. so, i’m in the suit, getting weighed (good, because it was two pounds less) and it’s time to get into the tank with the rack for the FitnessWave test. as i sat on the side of the tank dave explained the purpose of the scale and the rack that was attached to it. after i commented on the uniqueness of it, he softly explained that this test was not the original purpose of the device. i looked it over again and thought, “hmmm…maybe sides of beef hung off this thing, or…holy crap.” but it made sense to me. the weirder thing is that it didn’t even creep me out. somehow i knew that the actual weighted object never touched the rack which is only a support and you can’t get these rack things used anyway. can you?
so…he explained what i had to do: get down on my knees on the bottom of the pot, i mean the tank, grab the front of the rack and put my toes on the back of the rack, then lay down. my head was going to be above the water until i had to take a deep breath, go under, pull the rack toward me and exhale until all the bubbles died out and things went black. ha! just kidding. the first try my feet came off and i got all a-twitter about being underwater and coordinating the whole dance. second try was better and the third try was perfect. dave was happy. as i gasped for air when i came out of the water he said, “that was perfect.” i almost drowned but it was perfect. it was so perfect he wanted me to do it again. more perfection. i told him my secret. i’m a method actor, so i became dead.
the results of each test told me way too much information. i’d hoped to be metabolically challenged. i’m not. i’m just lazy and eat too much. to lose pounds at my weight and height i need to eat 1700-1800 calories with 1-3 hours of exercise a day. if i don’t exercise i get 1500 calories. the FitnessWave body composition test was a real eye opener for me. i discovered that my body is 44.5% fat. that’s gross. the fat weighs 94.3 pounds. talk about gross…good gravy. wait! hold that gravy! good grief!! i do have some lean body mass, though. 55.5% actually and i’m very proud of it wherever it might be hiding.
i’ve got a long road ahead of me. oh, the humiliation and despair about my body fat. woe is me.
i’m a method actor, though. for three months i’ll become someone who’s loving the whole process.
well, i’ve found TABSI (the awful bathing suit issue) and dragged it out of its hiding place. TABSI is now in my gym bag with a giant towel, cover-up, pool shoes, hair dryer, roller brush and make-up. i’ll be underwater for approximately 20 seconds. good grief. i never thought i was a high maintenance girl until now.
there are more articles written about TABSI that i will try to post on here so those of you who haven’t read about TABSI will have a better idea of what i’m talking about.
gotta go take the plunge!
oh…and i was notified last night there will be the infamous “BEFORE” pictures taken. oh my… how will i get out of this one?
Monday, February 9th, 2009 is a day that will live in infamy. it will with me, that’s for sure. on monday morning i will be ‘taking the plunge’ into a massive tub o’ water for a hydrostatic body composition; after which i will take a metabolic test to prove that i, indeed, have no metabolism.
i’m taking the FitnessWave Body Composition Challenge that my chiropractor is doing at his office. (i thought i was entering an essay contest.) whatever… instead i signed up to be put on a giant roasting pan rack, face down in my bathing suit with some kind of vacuum tube in my mouth. the rack and i will be lowered into a giant pot that will be filled with 93 degree simmering water. once lowered my tester, sweeney dave, will throw in some onions and carrots with little rosemary and make soup out of me. while i’m in there he’s going to turn some dials and blow some whistles which will tell him the percentage of fat that makes up my body. if he’d only just ask me, i could tell him and get it over with. my answer would be ‘all’.
i’m not sure about the second test. i’m either going to be resting with a tube in my mouth or gasping for breath on a treadmill with a tube in my mouth. if i’m resting with the tube i’m having my metabolism checked to ‘help me understand why (i) have had difficulty losing weight in the past’. i hope this is the test and it speaks loud and clear that it’s not really the cupcakes and Twizzlers.
if it’s the treadmill test it will tell me if i should be contacting my nearest mortician. either that or it’s going to tell dave-the-torturer my heart rate and oxygen consumption. i’m sure the gasping will be a good indication of the latter.
the part that bothers me most is that there’s no eating for 2 hours before the test. what the heck is that about? ha!
wish me luck on my three month challenge to lose weight and win the challenge. beth, the winner of last year’s challenge, lost 19 pounds, dropped 5.3% of her body fat and changed her overall body composition by 11%. let’s see if i can keep my head above water and at least be a contender.
check here often to read more about my experience.
thanks for visiting! really!